I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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