I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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