oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
