i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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