I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
