i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We don't watch enough power rangers
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
