God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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