she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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