Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
