I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
