he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
