we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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