His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
