the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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