My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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