Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize