Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
