I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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