Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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