in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
