if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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