you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
