I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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