u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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