1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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