shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
