i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
