Where is the hickey?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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