Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
