How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
