Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
