Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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