You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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