in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is it because I queefed?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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