I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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