My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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