i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
