I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
