It's like God shit irony all over that family
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
