I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
