Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My bed smells like the plague
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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