you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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