And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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