ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
