WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
