Who wears a wallet chain?!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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