I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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