Umm I'm too high to move.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
