no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
