Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize