did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
