Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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