her vagine was all disorganized.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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