He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
