i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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