And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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