This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
