The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
