direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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