I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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