As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
