i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
