i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
