i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
