Don't you send me to vm
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
