I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
