so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
