No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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