is wine microwaveable?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
