Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
